The Mighty Viking

So there I was, thinking about how I could advertise my wares as a photographer. I was thinking about niche markets, when the untapped market of a lifetime came to me.

“Hey, Watch This” Photography.

When you find yourself tempted to perform something to the tune of “Hey, hold my beer and watch this”, turn to us to record and document your feats of …erm…derring-do. If you’re the kind of person to do this more or less spontaneously, (and let’s face it, who isn’t?) we offer pre-paid plans (ALL our plans are prepaid plans for this demographic – see subnotes) that allow all the heat-of-the-moment buzzkill paperwork to be taken care of ahead of time.

Sub-notes:
1.ALL our packages are prepaid plans for this demographic. This especially includes the ICU/Post-Mortem add-on packages.

2.you will be required, in addition to pre-paying for your “event”, to sign waivers releasing the photographer from responsibilities of First Aid, CPR, cleanup, and notification of next of kin.

3.the photographer will be driving his own vehicle to the “event”. Don’t bother offering a ride.

4.The photographer retains the rights to 50% of all winnings related to Reality TV contracts, and “Funniest Home Videos” contests.

5.Under no circumstances are you to refer to the photographer as “a friend of mine who happened to have a camera”. Verily, I never knew ye. I don’t care if you and I go back to 1962 – you are as foreign to me as page 183 of my 7th grade math textbook.

6.Artistic license is retained by the photographer. Addition of a lolling tongue, swirling halos of stars/cuckoo birds and/or slightly crossed left eye to fully flesh out “the mood” is covered under “value-added entertainment”.

The only weak point to this plan is that the demographic most likely to seek out this sort of service just spent their fluid cash reserves on cheap beer.