The Mighty Viking

Conquering those things we must, one story at a time

The origination of the term, “Before Cats”

Dog Historians have long debated the origination of the term “Before Cats”. An important clue to this mystery was realized during an epiphanal moment in 2010 by the owner of a Wheaten Terrier during an interruption to his study of Christ’s last days, created by a particularly intense few minutes while his dog worked frantically to get at the cat sauntering across the back yard. The serendipitous combination of study and calamity fused together two seemingly unrelated thoughts during the dramatic display of enmity – that a connection might exist between the concept of “last supper” and “before cats”.

It became clear that three previously unconnected terms were all inextricably connected; the mystical “Before Cats” terminology, an obscure text fragment referencing “Great Snack of Bubastis” (in which the hieroglyphic for “appetizer” and “cats” appear to occur together), and the downfall of the Egyptian Great SnackDynasties. Indeed, as this new connection was examined, it became clear they all reference a single calamitous, barbaric moment in Canine history.

Some say the Egyptian Dynasty was destroyed by armies, which led to the sudden and mysterious disappearance of the Sacred Cats. This new revelation allowed scholars to discard the notion that the overthrow of the Empire was the cause rather than the effect of this disappearance, and embrace the obvious truth that the existence of the Dynasty was wholly dependent on the veneration of these cats. Their demise left the population disheartened and vulnerable to the dog-loving northerners.

Dogs are virtually mum on the subject. My own dog just says, “hey”, and moves on to squirrels and other distractions. He says “hey” to a lot of things. I’m studying his intonations to decipher some of its meaning.


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