The Mighty Viking

Conquering those things we must, one story at a time

Learning to Focus

They say I must learn to focus
But they do not mean I must learn to focus
what they mean is I must learn to unfocus
on everything but them
whoever they are, whatever they want from me
that is what they mean; that is what they want
they want my full and undivided lack of focus
They want my will to become theirs
and so – it becomes theirs
I give it willingly
because I want to be loved
and they promise that giving them my will makes them love me

They do love me
but when they say, “me”
they do not mean me
my heart is not a heart to them
my spirit is not a spirit to them
in their minds my spirit does not soar
in their bosom my heart does not beat
they harvest my spirit
they dissect my heart
they take from within it the jewel that God put within
and grind it up, create for themselves a paste
a potion from which they acquire perverted power
an aphrodisiac, from which they entice the lusts of the next one
my powers no longer heal others, but sicken
my beauty no longer inspires others, but entraps
the blood that gives life to my body
poisons the next, and the next…and the next

I focus
but the things I see me doing horrify me
I avert my gaze, ashamed of that thing that was me
my shame is used against me, to slam as a gate
against my escape
and so the fortress is built around me,
not to protect, but imprison me
in my own shame, I do their work

I focus
and I see that my shame is a mirror
there is no shame
only a reflection
By beholding, I become changed
indeed, I must learn to focus
They were right
and yet they lied with the truth
perhaps they live with shame as well
and perhaps I shall tell them, “you must learn to focus”
and perhaps I will not mean that they should learn to unfocus
on everything but me
But to focus on everything but them


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3 Responses to “Learning to Focus”

  1. kingfisher says:

    It’s really true, though, that often others want us to be “somethings” for them, rather than valuing us for being ourselves. In some ways, that’s normal, I suppose. The law of self-preservation! And then, I guess everyone is dysfunctional in some way or another. WE are usually more important to ourselves, than others are to us. Unless God has gotten hold of us and we’re allowing him to slowly conform us to his image. (Letting him work in us can be quite painful at times. But somehow we get to let him temper our frustrations with others’ expectations for us, to see the humanness and deep-seated needs of others, and still accept that God is forgiving and working in us — and them.).

  2. Bodie P says:

    This reads like a poem with a back story. Is there another poem for that?

    • gkeller says:

      Every poem I have has a back-story. This one starts out with frustration with ADD. I might have made another poem to tell the backstory, but I got distracted… 😀

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